


b-sides: 3x20 lo-fi

by archivedjemily



Series: b-sides [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, You feel me, but make it not canon, classic, in love with each other but not realizing, they both are idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archivedjemily/pseuds/archivedjemily
Summary: a what if: jj had decided she was going to break up with will the same week she found out she was pregnant. when will shows up at their hotel in NYC during a case, things take a different turn. jj/emily!
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: b-sides [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866787
Comments: 23
Kudos: 151





	1. 3x20 lofi part 1

**Author's Note:**

> 3x20 lo-fi part 1/4

“Is there a problem? The words came from Hotch, stoic in his stance, body canted towards JJ in what could only be viewed as protective.

JJ stared at Will, attempting to school her features into something other than the rage that was welling up from somewhere deep within. Shifting her jaw, she turned to face her colleagues. She had hoped she’d have a few weeks to unpack the tangle of emotions that had followed the positive pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test that had followed weeks of mustering up courage to go through with breaking someone’s heart. 

Moving her gaze from Hotch, to Spencer, and finally to Emily, the words came out after a few silent moments, “I’m pregnant.” A smile did find its way to her face, because regardless of the mess in her head, she had always wanted to be a mom, and she knew she loved this baby. 

Emily was the first to react, “Oh my god, JJ! Congratulations!” 

The brunette gave her an excited glance before pulling her in for a hug. JJ went willingly, stepping into open arms, feeling herself slip into an embrace that felt a lot safer than the conversations continuing behind her. She was a little shocked at the enthusiasm from the woman holding her tightly, but hid the confusion on her face in the neck of her friend, missing the pained look that flashed across her friend's face. 

She had been open with Emily over the past few months about the struggles that her and Will had been facing. Long distance didn’t lend itself to quick solutions, hence the drawn out process of sorting through where her heart was at. But Emily was a patient listener, and had spent many nights helping JJ slowly sort through her feelings, only offering gentle guidance in JJ’s quest for answers, never leading her one way or another. 

They would sit on Emily’s perfectly worn-in couch, feet tucked under them, arms on the back of the couch and bodies turned in towards the middle of the couch, mirror images of each other. The light streaming in the large windows overlooking DC would slowly fade, and they would talk for hours. JJ had never had a friend like Emily, never had someone who she so implicitly trusted, respected, admired. She would leave Emily’s apartment feeling heavy under the weight of Will’s love and expectations, but lighter from having a friend like Emily to help carry the burden for now. 

The last night they had spent like this was a few weeks ago. In a time that existed before pregnancy tests and rushed marriage proposals and more confusion than JJ had ever expected to be in her heart. She had finally come to the conclusion that Will was not someone she could envision a life with. 

_ He’s kind and loyal _ , she had told Emily, but she knew that the flutter in her chest and stomach had long given way to comfort and routine. She loved him out of ease, not out of love, and she knew it wasn’t fair to keep him around solely for a warm body next to hers on nights she felt lonely. She wanted someone that she  _ wanted,  _ not just someone who was there. She had a feeling Will might feel the same, but also knew he would never end things with her first.

Emily had smiled at her and told her she was brave. That most people crave human contact and connection too much to ever make the right choice when it came to something like this. The older woman had placed a hand on JJ’s knee, giving it a small squeeze before getting up to put away empty bowls that held the remains of their late-night ice cream. JJ had watched her walk back towards the kitchen before staring at the place Emily’s hand had covered on her jean-covered thigh. She chalked up the burning she had felt when Emily touched her to the adrenaline that had been pumping through her body as she told her friend she was going to end things with Will.

Their friendship had always been intimate, in a way she had never been with Penelope or Spencer. Their conversations went deeper, their time together seemed to mean more. When she spent time at Emily’s apartment, it felt like they were creating their own safe place, untouched by the depravity they saw together daily. In their space there was laughter during movies and cards thrown during particularly intense game nights. Simple joys that left JJ smiling as they would clean up and head to Emily’s bed to turn in for the night. 

_ No need for you to drive all the way out of the city when I have a perfectly spacious bed here, _ Emily had offered before the first time she had spent the night, both of them conveniently forgetting the guest room down the hall. Sometimes Penelope would stay, too. Pen always ended up in the guest bedroom, claiming that both Emily and JJ ‘thrashed like wild animals’ when they slept, leaving the petite blonde to bunk in Emily’s king bed. 

Those nights had become everything to JJ. Falling asleep in one of Emily’s college t-shirts between perfectly silky sheets, laughing softly as Emily would rearrange too many pillows around them before climbing in and flicking the lights off. These were the only nights JJ would sleep peacefully, waking up slowly in the morning as light began to filter through the curtains. Burrowing deeper into the mattress, she would let her body relax and wake up slowly, shutting out the realities she would have to face when she stepped out of the apartment back into the real world. 

And stepped out she had. A few weeks had passed, JJ slowly working up the courage to end things when Will arrived for his visit. But a missed period led to a chaotic trip to the convenient store, and a frantic rush home to confirm what she had already known deep down. Sitting on the bathroom floor, she had stared down the plus sign for hours, willing it to change. 

That was how Will had found her, tears in her eyes that he had mistaken as a product of excitement. He had kissed her and blurted out his proposal before she could even register he had come home. Then the team had been called to New York, and any chance at a real conversation had been tabled for the time being. 

She snapped out of the memory when she heard Will speak behind her. 

“I’ve asked JJ to marry me,” she heard him tell Hotch. Spinning around quickly, she uttered his name and cast a glare his way, hoping she was letting her anger be known to him. 

The team took in JJ’s expression and sensed the tension that had just escalated before them. 

“We’ll, uh, give you both some privacy,” Hotch offered before slowly moving towards the elevators and on to his room. After giving one last congratulatory smile to the new parents, Spencer followed closely behind. 

Emily stood next to JJ for a moment longer, reaching out to place a gentle hand on the blonde’s back, silently asking if she needed her to stick around. The warmth at her lower brought her back to the conversation in front of her, and she turned around to face Emily. 

“Wait for me before you head to the room, but give us a second?” Her eyes pleaded with the brunette in a look that she hoped conveyed her need for Emily to stay close. An unspoken agreement that JJ would come find her when she was ready passed between them before the taller woman nodded slowly, reaching to take JJ’s bag from her shoulder before walking towards a chair that sat a few feet away. 

She waited until Emily sat down, making sure that she didn’t go too far, before turning back to face Will, hoping that it would all be over soon.

In the hundred ways she had imagined this conversation taking place, in a hotel lobby while a mass murderer was on the loose was not one of them. She touched Will’s elbow and guided him back to the couch he had been sitting on when they had walked in. 

His gaze was a mix of worry laced with annoyance. JJ knew he was upset that she was out in the field. Even angrier that she had been out in the field without anyone knowing she was even pregnant. 

“Will, why are you here?” It wasn’t what she really wanted to say, but she was still confused as to why the man had shown up in the first place. 

He looked at her in a way that confirmed they were definitely not on the same page. “You left half an hour after I proposed to you, Cherie. Half an hour after I found out you were carrying my child. How would I not follow you?” 

JJ held back a comment about how it was technically their child, not only his, but decided against it. 

“Will, this is my space. My work. I told you that we could talk about it when I got back.” Her answer didn’t appease him, and his face continued to harden under her stare.

“I understand that Cherie, but I needed to know we were okay. That you were going to make the right choices and protect this baby from the danger I know you’re putting yourself in by even working this case.” His eyes were starting to light up, the voice that was once a whisper gaining power as he spoke.

“Are you going to quit your job, too? Because both of us know the risks we face when we put the badge on in the morning.” Her tone was raising to match his, eyes widening as his words really sunk in, “I can’t believe you would even suggest I am not doing what’s best for this baby.” Her face felt hot, and she knew she needed to take control of the conversation before it got out of hand. 

“Listen, Will. I know that you proposed because you think it’s what should come next for us, but you and I both know why I couldn’t say yes.” The words spilled out more confidently than she thought they would. Emily would be proud, she found herself thinking before clearing her mind to gauge the reaction of the man in front of her.

For a moment she thought Will was going to yell. His shoulders tensed as he took a deep breath and squared his jaw. But just as quickly as the anger had lit up his eyes, he deflated. Lifting his gaze to meet JJ’s, a look of understanding settled on his face. 

Will held her stare for a few seconds before calmly saying, “I do know. I’m sorry that things have been rocky between us lately. I want to be here for this baby if you want me to be, in whatever capacity that is. I do love you, Jayje. I hope you know that.” The look in his face confirmed JJ’s suspicions that her lukewarm feelings towards their relationship were shared. If anything, she saw relief in his eyes. 

JJ let her face soften as well, letting all traces of her own anger dissipate. “ I know, Will. I love you, too, and I’ll always love you as the father of our child and hopefully a friend. We can talk about it more after the case, but I do want you to be in this baby’s life.” She spoke the words sincerely, hoping that the look on her face let Will see her intentions were true.

He stood up, reaching out a hand to help JJ stand up in front of him. When she stood at her full height he pulled her into a kind hug. “I’m going to head back to New Orleans, but give me a call when the case is over. We will make this work, Jayje, I promise you that. This baby deserves two loving parents.” 

He spoke the words softly to her, with no lingering anger or malice in his tone. She believed him, and hoped the upcoming conversations would go as easily as this one. 

She pulled back from the hug and watched as Will looked over her shoulder, giving a soft laugh before speaking. “I think you should go let your bodyguard know that you are okay.” 

JJ followed his gaze to see Emily’s eyes flick down, barely pretending to look at the book in front of her. Inconspicuous, she was not, and JJ let out a soft breath in amusement before looking back at the man in front of her. 

“Thank you, Will, really. For understanding, and being willing to work this out.” 

“Of course, Cherie. Just promise me one thing,” he said. When he saw JJ give a small nod he continued, “let her take care of you, I know she wants to.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze before moving past JJ towards the front door. A stay safe made it to her ears as she watched him walk out. 

JJ was mulling over the words Will had left her with, a shot of panic shooting through her veins at the implications. I know she wants to. There was no guesswork about who he was talking about, and she felt her presence next to her a moment later. 

“Are you okay?’ Emily asked, reaching to place a gentle, firm hand on JJ’s forearm, breaking her out of the thoughts racing through her mind. 

“I’m okay,” JJ responded quickly, a hint of confusion in her voice. 

She knew what she and Emily had was different. It was something she cherished, was protective over even. Something she liked to have just for herself. Looking at the woman in front of her now, it seemed like everything inside of her was shifting into place. She hadn’t even realized things were out of place before right now. 

The look Emily gave her was one of worry, tinted with the exhaustion of the day, brow furrowed at the lack of elaboration. “You can fill me in once we get to the room,” she said before placing an arm around JJ’s shoulders, guiding her to the elevator. Stepping in, Emily took her hand off JJ’s shoulders to press the button for floor three before stepping back to lean against the back of the elevator.

JJ was hyper aware of the arm around her. Had Emily’s touch always felt so right? She wasn’t sure, but knew that something in her world had shifted on its axis tonight. She also knew that Emily had picked up on the uncertainty she was sure her body language was showing based on the way Emily was scrutinizing her in the mirrored walls of the elevator. Ever the profiler, JJ thought with an amused smirk. How had she never appreciated the classic beauty of the face staring at her right now. Had she been that blind?

JJ felt the elevator slow and realized they had a lot to talk about tonight.


	2. 3x20 lofi part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to part 2!! see end of chapter for more notes!

The elevator dinged as the doors slid open, and the two women walked silently down the hall to their room. Sliding the key into the door, Emily pushed it open and stepped into the dark space, flipping the light on quickly before letting her eyes roam the room for signs of danger. 

Satisfied with what she saw, she stepped further in, throwing her bag down on the far bed before sitting down in the chair near the window. The day was finally catching up with her. Her body ached from lack of rest, and her mind raced through the last half hour. 

_ Why hadn’t JJ told me she was pregnant?  _ Was the first thought that had popped into her head when the blonde had shared the news.  _ Why am I so hurt by that _ , was a close second. She knew why. She cared for JJ, deeply. Maybe in a way that she hadn’t cared for anyone else before. 

Emily had been hit with the realization the last time JJ had spent the night at her loft. She remembered it vividly, JJ having just come to the conclusion on her own that she would end things with Will. The weight of something Emily couldn’t quite figure out seemed to have lifted off her shoulder as they had pulled back the comforter that night, settling in amongst a sea of blankets and pillows. 

_ Thank you, Emily _ . It had been quiet, and sincere in the dark room, accompanied by a small hand reaching out across the bed to squeeze her own. She had felt her heart jump, and then squeeze tightly as her brain caught up with the surge of joy she had felt. 

The walls she had spent years perfectly always faltered when the younger woman was around. Her normal defenses useless when hit piercing blue eyes and true smiles. But that night she stayed awake, turned in towards JJ, mulling over her own thoughts while the blonde slept peacefully. 

She had fallen asleep slowly that night, taking time to let herself try and name the feelings she had. Admiration and respect came first, followed by infatuation. Lust crossed her mind for a split second before she chastised herself for ever simplifying them so much. She settled on love before her eyes started to droop, falling into sleep with the ghost of a longing smile still on her face.   
  
It was easy to name them in the safety of her own bed, with the blonde next to her, but when the sun came up and the world continued on, things were more difficult. She locked them away in a far place in her mind, alongside other dreams that she never wanted to be hurt by. For now, JJ had Will. Even after the resolve JJ had shown tonight about wanting to end things with Will, the little girl inside of Emily screamed at her to not get her hopes up, ever used to being a second choice and an afterthought.

She’d never had someone like JJ, and she would be damned if she let her slip away because of some unrequited feelings. Emily had decided she would love her friend in whatever capacity the blonde would let her, and that it would be enough. 

Halfway through taking off her boots she was pulled from her own thoughts when she realized JJ hadn’t followed, and instead was still standing by the end of her own bed looking at Emily with a look she couldn’t quite place, but one that made her stomach flutter. It was a mix of awe and something deeper. JJ smiled when Emily met her eyes. 

Pushing down the curious feeling that had risen in her heart, Emily asked, “Can we talk about what happened down there? And why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?” 

JJ’s face fell slightly. She had hoped Emily wasn’t upset about how she found out about the life growing inside of her, but she knew if the roles were reversed she’d feel the same way. 

JJ had planned to end things with Will the same day she found out about the baby. When the dust had settled, she knew she would have found her way to Emily’s. Seeking out the comfort and safety she always felt there. She would have told Emily about Will, and then about the baby. Emily would have all the right words, and then piled all of the pillows to the head of the bed, forcing JJ to settle into the sheets while she went and grabbed ice cream and popcorn. They’d watch a movie, and Emily would pull JJ into her side like she did whenever JJ needed the comfort. The world would have righted itself while they sat in comfortable silence, the only movement in the room would be Emily’s fingers gently slipping through JJ’s hair. 

JJ pictured that night now, looking back with fondness at the trust and hope she had placed in Emily. At the time she had simply thought it was because Emily was her best friend. Looking back now, and in light of Will’s parting words, she knew it was a hell of a lot more than that.  _ How did I miss this _ , she thought to herself, letting out a small laugh in disbelief. 

“Why are you laughing?” The words came out a little more raw than Emily wanted, and she winced slightly at the accusatory tone of her voice.  _ JJ is here with you, and Will walked out of the hotel, _ she reminded herself. Hoping that was some sort of good sign of things to come. 

JJ shook her head, attempting to catch up to the thoughts racing around in her mind. “Sorry, just a lot going on up here.” She tapped the side of her head before walking over towards where Emily was. Sitting on the corner of the bed closest to Emily, she pulled her own shoes off before tucking her legs underneath her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before tonight, Emily.” She hoped her voice conveyed how genuine she was. 

Emily met her eyes, searching them for the pity she expected to see from someone she assumed she cared more about than the blonde did in return. She let her gaze soften, “It’s okay, really. I just wish you had told me.” She meant it, it was JJ’s news to share. JJ and Will’s news to share, she reminded herself. The younger agent stood from her place on the bed, pacing a path in front of Emily. Walking back and forth, Emily could tell JJ had something to share, so she waited, eyes following her friend.

“I had this whole plan. About ending it with Will, even after I knew about the baby. I was going to do it and then come tell you, but then we got the call for this case..” she trailed off, knowing that Emily knew what came next.

“I wanted to tell you. I needed you to help me figure all of this out,” JJ continued, gesturing vaguely to her stomach and head and heart. 

“Isn’t that what Will is for?” Emily said it, hoping it would lead to confirmation on the status of their relationship. JJ looked at her like she was crazy.

“Emily, just because this baby exists doesn’t mean I changed my mind. Will left here tonight because I wanted him to leave, we ended things downstairs. You helped me reach that decision! Do you think I shouldn’t have done it?” JJ’s voice raised a little bit, injecting some tension and anxiety into the room that wasn’t there before. She had stopped moving, shoulders deflated with one hand gently resting on her lower stomach. 

_ Did Emily not reciprocate the way she felt?  _ Her own excitement at sorting out her feelings had blinded her, never once considering that Emily might not feel the same. 

Emily answered quickly, not wanting JJ to spiral down the very obvious path she was walking in her mind. 

“No, I think you did the right thing if that’s what you want. I just know you. I know you’ve always wanted to be a mom, to have a family. I just figured the baby might have changed things for you.”  _ God, why am I offering a picture of a family with Will to JJ,  _ she thought as she carefully considered the woman in front of her. 

“Of course I want this baby to have a family, but Will and I don’t have to be together for that to happen. Did you not see the way Hotch was ready to kick Will out of the lobby? Or Spencer never taking his eyes off of Will when he saw I was uncomfortable,” JJ rambled, desperately hoping Emily was understanding. 

“And don’t think it’s lost on me that you knew I needed you to stay close,” she continued. “This baby already has the best family they could. This baby will be loved and protected by more people than they’ll know what to do with. I don’t need Will to give this baby a family, Emily.” 

Emily watched as a sweet look crossed JJ’s face. She could sense that the mother-to-be was looking at a picture of a few years from now. A blonde kid with bright blue eyes running around with Jack, screaming with glee as they were being chased by Derek and Spencer, the rest of the team sitting off to the side enjoying the day as a family. 

Emily could see it too, only in her version JJ was leaning in to her side, arms tangled up with her fingers playing at the ring that sat on the blonde's left hand.  _ God, I am helpless. _

“I didn’t mean to imply you needed him, Jayje. I just wanted you to know I would support any decision you made.” 

“Well, I did make my decision, and Will is no longer in the picture. Well, he is in the picture, always will be thanks to this little one,” she said with a laugh as she patted the tiny swell of her belly. “But I won’t stay with anyone out of obligation, I deserve more than that.”

_ You deserve everything _ , Emily wanted to scream,  _ and I want to be the one to give it to you. _

“I’m really proud of you JJ,” came out instead. “I think it’s brave to make that choice for yourself, and for the baby.” She tried to keep her voice even, carefully removing the longing she knew was just below the surface. 

“Brave isn’t something I would usually consider myself, but thank you.” JJ answered honestly.    


Emily just smiled up at her friend, not sure what she could add to the conversation with her thoughts swirling the way they were. She wasn’t surprised when JJ spoke again, the blonde had a way of needing to fill silence when conversations lulled. 

“Will said something else before he left.” JJ had made her way back to the edge of the bed, legs hanging off the side, only about a foot away from where Emily sat. The brunette gave JJ a look that prompted her to continue. “He told me to let you take care of me.” 

JJ let the words fly out of her mouth before she could stop them, looking down and fiddling with the hem of her shirt to avoid eye contact. Her eyes grew wide for a second before her brow furrowed, wondering what would come next. 

Emily sat staring at her, running through the different options she had. She opted for the safest route. “He knows that you need your friends, that you’ll need us to be around for you and the baby. I’m sure he wants someone looking after you while we are out on cases, and of course we will.” 

JJ shook her head at her friend. “No, Emily. He told me to let  _ you _ take care of me.”

“You’re my best friend Jayje, of course I’ll be here.” It’s all Emily had the guts to say, sure that she was misreading the look of longing in JJ’s face. The same look that she was sure she herself had worn for the past six months. 

“I don’t think that’s what he meant, Emily. I don’t think that’s what I wanted him to mean.” JJ softly shared. Meeting Emily’s eyes with a nervous smile, bottom lip pulled in by her teeth. 

Seeing her friend’s apprehension, but not sensing that she was about to bolt from the room, she continued. “God, maybe the hormones from the baby are making me see things that aren’t there, but you can’t tell me things aren’t different with us than with other friendships you have.”

“I want this baby, yes, but the second I found out I wanted to tell  _ you.  _ Will was who I thought of next, but I wanted to run over to your house and tell you. Let you tell me everything would be okay and that I would be a great mom to this baby, even without Will in the picture. I wanted to curl up next to you in your bed, just shut out the rest of the crazy world and be with you.” She paused, feeling her eyes grow a little misty as she thought of what could have been, trying to gauge where Emily’s mind was at. Taking in the still, contemplative face before her she continued. “Emily, I need you to understand what I am saying here, what I am  _ trying _ to say.” It sounded desperate even to her own ears.

Emily looked at her friend, slowly losing the battle for control between her brain and the hope and fear that were raging in her heart. She wanted to be convinced that JJ’s words were mirroring her own feelings, but the shrill sound of doubt reminded her that everything JJ said could also be said between two friends. Close friends, but still.

JJ was getting anxious, maybe she wasn’t being as clear as she needed to be. For as strong and bold as Emily was professionally, she knew there was a scared woman behind the facade. One with big emotions and a lifetime of broken promises and expectations telling her to lock them up.

_ Ten second of courage,  _ JJ thought to herself. Someone had told her once that ten seconds of courage was all it took to change your life. 

So JJ stood up. 

She took the small step that separated her from where Emily sat and reached a hand down to smooth some of Emily’s hair away from her face. She gently rested her hand on the brunette's smooth, pale cheek, applying just enough pressure to get the woman to look up at her. 

When Emily looked up her breath was almost taken away at the open admiration and deep emotion she saw on the blonde’s face. Her heart picked up speed, and she could feel her pulse spread to her whole body.

“What I’m trying to say,” JJ started, willing herself to not lose the burst of courage, “is that I _want_ _ you  _ to be the one to take care of me. And I want to be the one to take care of you, too.” Running her thumb along Emily’s cheek, she looked at her friend with a sense of wonder. 

How she had never recognized the swell of emotion she felt while looking at Emily as love, she would never know. Even Will had seen it. The rest of the team had always joked that the two acted like an old married couple, both of them laughing it off each time the comment was made. It seemed obvious now. The relationship they shared had passed simple friendship a long time ago.

_ If Emily didn’t feel the same way, she would have said something by now.  _ Logically, it made sense in JJ’s mind, and she hoped she was right. 

Not taking her hand off of Emily’s cheek, she lowered her head slowly towards the frozen brunette. Their eyes locked on each other’s, JJ paused long enough to give Emily time to pull away. But she didn’t. So JJ closed the gap.

When their lips touched, it was like coming home. The feeling of safety and comfort JJ felt whenever she was with Emily was multiplied exponentially. 

She stayed still for a second, letting her lips linger before pulling back slightly and resting her forehead against Emily’s. Eyes closed, they both enjoyed the intimacy of the moment.

“Are you sure?” They were the first words that Emily had spoken in what seemed like hours, and JJ could hear the fear in them. She wanted nothing more than to reassure Emily of the feelings she had come to know tonight. The feelings that had only been strengthening and growing for months now.

“I love you, Emily. I want to have this baby, but I want you, too.” She stroked her hand through Emily’s hair, loving the silky feeling of it passing through her fingers. She was willing to wait for Emily to catch up, to believe what she was saying. As long as it took. 

“This isn’t just me being rash after a breakup, I need you to know that. Until Will said it tonight, I couldn’t place what was different about the time I spent with you.” Her words were quiet, Emily captivated by her soft voice paired with the hand in her hair. “But I know what I feel Emily. How I feel when I’m with you, how I hope you feel, too.” 

It was JJ’s turn to feel anxious at the turn of the conversation, finding herself praying to whatever deity was listening that Emily shared the feelings she was laying out. Her worry getting the best of her, JJ moved to step away from the older woman, an apology forming on her lips. But Emily followed her up. 

Toe to toe, they stood in silence for a few moments before the taller woman reached out to palm JJ’s cheek, gently guiding her gaze up to meet her own. 

JJ felt more than heard the  _ God, yes, a million times yes  _ that slipped from Emily’s lips right before they touched her own. 

This kiss shifted the world even more than the first. This one was full of reciprocated feelings, the resolution to months of questioning that had gone through Emily’s mind. The epicenter of all the moments of safety and calm that JJ had felt over the same period of time. 

Emily snaked the hand not in JJ’s hair around to the small of her back, spreading out her palm and bringing the blonde in closer. Their bodies melded perfectly, all soft angles and smooth curves. She opened her mouth, shifting slightly to take JJ’s top lip into her own. It felt right. Like missing links were being found and broken pieces mended somewhere deep within her. 

JJ’s arms had found their way around Emily, tracing slight patterns where they rested. She resisted the urge to push under the hem of the brunette’s shirt, itching to touch the soft skin she knew she would find there.  _ We have all the time in the world, _ the kiss seemed to say,  _ a whole lifetime.  _

They stayed that way for a while, the kiss ebbing and flowing from gentle caresses to clashing teeth and tongues. Hands roamed and small noises slipped out, each of them content to just explore the other in a way that had previously seemed forbidden. 

Eventually, Emily moved her lips from JJ’s up the blonde’s jawline, tracing a slow path to her ear. Once there, she tucked the soft blonde hair out of her way and planted a single kiss to the soft skin she found before speaking. 

“I love you, too. I’m  _ in _ love with you, too.” 

And for the first time maybe ever, those words didn’t scare her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possible ~part 3 coming~ if i feel inspired to continue the story to some spicy times in their hotel room :') 
> 
> bye! love u!! thanks for reading!!!!


	3. 3x20 lofi part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the story continues!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome to part 3! pls be nice to me
> 
> also this is rated m hehe

They moved around each other quietly and with a practiced ease, grabbing pajamas and passing toiletries back and forth. They stood hip to hip at the bathroom sink, never more than a few seconds passing without a gentle touch between the two women.

Emily made her way back out into the room first, walking towards the bed she had placed her things on earlier. Moving the bag from her bed to the chair, she pulled back the crisp white comforter before sliding in, enjoying the feel of the cold sheets on her bare legs. She tossed her phone onto the bedside table, double checking the ringer was on just in case, before turning the screen off and setting an alarm. 

JJ walked out a few minutes later, taking in the sight of Emily cocooned under fluffy white sheets. Just her face was peeking out from underneath and it made JJ laugh. Dark hair was spilling everywhere, a dark contrast to the light fabric underneath it. 

Emily opened her eyes slowly when she heard JJ emerge. Taking in the sight of the blonde in an oversized Yale t-shirt, she couldn’t help but smile at the fact that JJ chose her t-shirt to sleep in. She had done it before, but it meant more since an hour ago when her whole world had seemed to shift.

The blonde stood there for a second, toned legs sticking out from underneath the hem of the grey t-shirt she had ‘forgotten’ to return after the last night she had spent at Emily’s. She didn’t break eye contact with Emily as she walked forward, passing her own bed in route to the brunette’s.

“Scoot over,” JJ whispered, flicking off the lamp and lifting the edge of the comforter. Emily just hummed in response, the joy that had flooded her body leaving her unable to form a real sentence. She scooted back only a few inches, ending up slightly off center, but leaving JJ enough room to slide in next to her. 

The bed dipped as JJ laid down, her body heat slowly reaching Emily. It felt right, it felt safe. Like this was how hard days and long nights were supposed to end. The blonde reached out towards Emily, gently grabbing her arm and pulling it towards her as she rolled over. She pushed her body back, letter her bare legs and back aligned perfectly with the soft curves behind her. 

She laid Emily’s hand gently on her belly, covering the long, slender hand with her own. After a moment, she let herself relax completely, sinking into the covers and the warm body next to her. 

No words were shared for what seems like hours. Maybe hours had passed, neither could be held accountable for keeping track of time when they were laying in each other's arms, skin to skin, a perfect match. 

They both drifted softly into a deep sleep, moving only when the other would readjust, in movements that seemed to bring them even closer together. 

The clock on the bedside table read 4:34 when JJ opened her eyes. The moon was shining bright through the gap between both curtains, casting the room in a gentle glow. 

She blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings. The arm around her stomach was strong, but soft, against her belly. Her t-shirt had shifted in the last few hours, so the older woman’s hand sat against the tan skin it found there. 

_ I can’t believe I lived my whole life without this _ , she thought to herself. Mind running through the events of the nights before. She shifted her body a tiny bit, pushing her small body back against Emily’s, wanting physical confirmation that the brunette hadn’t moved. 

JJ knew Emily had woken up when the fingers at her belly curled in, and she turned her body to face the woman behind her. Letting Emily’s arm travel across soft skin to land on her lower back, she was met with bright eyes and a soft smile. 

The blonde’s hand came up to push Emily’s tousled hair behind her ears, combing through it a few times before landing on the side of her neck.  _ Hi _ , she felt Emily say more than heard it. It was quiet and reserved, tinged with disbelief that JJ was here, next to her, in love with her. 

JJ mumbled a response, but it was lost between the two as their bodies moved even closer, aligned from chest to feet, lips meeting the other’s. 

The first touch of lips was gentle, Emily tracing her fingers softly across JJ’s back, slowly mapping out the skin that they found, careful to avoid the elastic that sat at the top of the blonde’s boyshorts. JJ pushed her lower body closer to Emily, threading a leg in between the brunette’s. She felt Emily’s legs tighten around her own, happy to know that the older agent was just as impacted by the events that were unfolding. But she could tell Emily was holding back, letting JJ set the pace. 

Alright then, she thought to herself before planting both hands firmly on the woman in front of her, rolling the bodies so that Emily’s back was flat against the mattress. JJ shifted a leg to the other side of the body underneath her, sitting back on slim thighs and looking down in awe at the woman that laid beneath her. 

She pulled both of Emily’s hands into her own, dragging them against her skin and pushing them up underneath the t-shirt hanging loosely from her body. She was giving Emily permission to let go, to show JJ how she truly felt, and no words were needed for Emily to understand. 

Her face carried awe, and lust and longing. But the love JJ saw in the dark eyes underneath her outweighed them all and made her gasp. 

Long, slim fingers trailed up JJ’s torso, blazing a fiery path up to the underside of her chest. The blonde let out a puff of air when Emily’s hands finally brushed against her breasts. Emily’s hands closed around JJ’s chest, thumbs brushing against sensitive peaks. 

Wanting to add a visual to what she was feeling, JJ reached down and pulled at the bottom of her shirt, bringing it over her head and tossing it to the floor. Emily’s face shifted, eyes darkening and smile turning to a smirk. She sat up, bringing her t-shirt covered skin against JJ’s bare chest. Gently placing her hands on the blondes back, she flipped them around. 

JJ landed softly on the bed, Emily now shifting her own legs to straddle the lithe limbs beneath her. She chanced one last look at blue eyes that teemed with anticipation before scooting her body down to place her open mouth against JJ’s collarbone. 

She marked a trail down the soft skin, a burst adrenaline shooting through her when JJ gasped as Emily’s mouth opened around a nipple. JJ’s hands shot up to tangle into the brunette’s hair, holding her firmly in place. She could feel Emily’s smile on her skin as she arched her back, pushing herself further into the pleasure she was feeling at the moment. 

A whimper left her mouth before she could stop it as Emily moved to her other nipple, planting a few kisses into the dip of JJ’s chest as she worked her way across. The blonde’s strong hands moved away from Emily’s head to try and find enough purchase in the soft t-shirt she found there to pull it off. She struggled to complete her mission as gentle teeth closed around her nipple.

Emily laughed when she felt JJ’s whole body twitch, a small burst of air leaving her mouth and hitting already sensitive skin. The blonde sucked in a breath of air at the sensation as Emily moved to remove her t-shirt, having noticed the younger woman’s failed attempts at removing it. 

Adding it to the floor where JJ’s already sat, Emily moved back on all fours to hover over the soft body of her lover.  _ JJ loves me _ , she remembered,  _ is in love with me. _ The thought ignited every inch of her body and her hands moved to cup breasts as she lowered her mouth to JJ’s torso.

Her hands shifted down JJ’s body to the edge of the small fabric that covered JJ. Looking up for permission, she found blue eyes staring at her in awe. A small nod was all she needed as she sat up, trailing her hands down the side of JJ’s strong legs as she pushed the scrap of cotton down her legs, discarding it somewhere on the floor with the rest of their clothes. 

She kissed her way up from JJ’s knees, letting her open mouth linger on smooth skin. When she reached the apex of the thighs beneath her, her pride soared as she took in the evidence of the blonde’s arousal. _ Because of me, _ her mind added. Emily shocked herself at the thought, smiling as she moved her mouth to the one place JJ wanted to feel her most. 

Her tongue slipped out of her mouth, tracing a long line through the slik skin it found underneath. When she reached the top, she closed her mouth, gently sucking on the sensitive nub she found there, before moving her head back down to make another pass.

And then another. And another. 

JJ’s hips jutted off the bed, seeking more pressure and friction, and Emily wrapped her arms around the legs on either side of her head. Reaching to place her hands on either side of the blondes pelvis, she pushed her body back down into the mattress. 

It didn’t take long for the room to fill with the breathless moans and pants coming from the blonde. She was teetering on the edge of release as the brunette continued her relentless pursuit of JJ’s pleasure. 

Emily could sense that JJ was close, and when she peeked up and saw that the younger woman’s eyes were closed, she carefully slid a finger into the wet heat of JJ’s center. 

JJ’s eyes flew open again, mouth hanging open slightly as she tried to contain the noises she wanted to let escape. One of her hands found its way into Emily’s hair, the other grasping for purchase in the sheets at her side. 

Her hips were pushing into Emily’s mouth, angling for more pressure, more speed, more anything. Emily smiled at the actions she was sure JJ couldn’t control, and curled the fingers that had been slowly stroking in and out of the writhing woman. 

Scraping them along warm walls, she could feel the last bits of JJ’s resolve give way. The blonde’s strong body tensed, riding a wave of pleasure that she wasn’t sure she had ever felt before. A moan escaped parted lips, and walls tightened around fingers that slowly coaxed her through her release. Emily kept her fingers moving slowly to prolong the burst of sensation that was traveling through every cell of the blonde’s body. JJ threw an arm over her face in an attempt to keep quiet, remembering they were in a hotel room.

Emily slowed her movements, gently removing her fingers and moving her mouth away from the sensitive bundle of nerves. Her face was shiny with the evidence of JJ’s pleasure, and she left traces of it as she kissed her way back up the body that was laying lax under her.

She gave a satisfied smile as JJ moved her arm and peeked at her through hooded eyelids. They stared at each other for a moment before JJ’ caught sight of her own arousal on Emily’s fingers. Her hand seemed to reach out on its own, grabbing the glistening fingers and pulling them to her mouth. 

A shot of arousal shot through both women and JJ licked the moisture off of Emily’s fingers. She pulled them out of her mouth with a small pop, lost in the wonder of the moment. 

She had never felt this connected to someone, and she looked up at Emily who was staring down at her with her mouth hanging open. Emily wasn’t sure what she expected from JJ in bed. She had never let herself travel that far down into her fantasies. Somehow the image of JJ licking her own arousal off of the brunette’s fingers was not what she expected. 

They shared a laugh of disbelief at the joy they were both feeling. How easy the intimacy came to them. It was new, and a little scary if they were both being honest with themselves, but they were excited to figure it out together. 

Never one to be outdone, JJ took Emily’s hands in her own, a predatory smile on her face as she rolled them over. Pinning the dark haired woman’s hands into the pillow beneath them, she stared down in awe.

They could figure the rest out another time, right now she had plans for the woman she loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i lied and this will be at least another part lol 
> 
> sorry i am ~long winded~


	4. 3x20 lofi part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um. more smut. but at least its sweet.

Emily wasn’t used to giving up control. In any aspect of her life. Her arms twitched, her brain fighting against reflex as she let JJ push them further into the pillows above her. JJ’s eyes were as dark as Emily had ever seen them, her lips pushed together with a smug twist. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you,” JJ whispered as she lowered her head down to speak directly into Emily’s ear. She placed an open mouth kiss on the soft skin she found there, marking a slow trail down to the ridges of the brunettes collarbones.Hands still pinning Emily’s own back, she kissed the edge of bone that jutted out beneath her lips, before opening her mouth further and scraping along it with her teeth. 

She could sense that Emily was desperate for more. More pressure, more touch, more release. So she trailed her mouth down to clasp down on a soft nipple, sucking it into her mouth. Emily’s back arched off the bed on instinct, wanting to increase her own pleasure. 

At her movement, JJ moved her arms down from where they had been restraining Emily’s to find purchase on the soft swells of the brunette’s chest. JJ had been with women before, but she tested the weight of Emily’s breasts in her hands as her mouth continued its assault, thinking that there couldn’t be anyone’s chest who fit more perfectly in her hands. When she felt, more than heard, the whine that came out of the body beneath her, she switched sides, paying the same attention to the nipple that she had been rolling between soft fingers. 

When she was satisfied with the way the dark-haired woman was writhing beneath her, she released the sensitive peak, keeping her mouth on soft skin and trailing her tongue down towards Emily’s pelvis.

JJ sat up a bit, taking in the sight before her. She could see evidence of Emily’s arousal through the light cotton panties she had slipped on before bed, and a shot of arousal made its way down her spine, causing a slight shiver in the blonde. Emily caught it, because when was she one to miss anything.

Noticing that the blonde was still staring, Emily bent her leg, moving her foot to slowly trail around JJ’s back. She hooked her leg behind the blonde, pulling her down towards where she wanted her most, hoping desperately that JJ wouldn’t prolong the wait. 

JJ laughed at Emily’s antics, but got the message loud and clear.  _ So impatient, _ she murmured against warm skin as she let her head fall back down, kissing the edge of cotton she found before hooking the material in her fingers and sliding it down long, smooth legs. 

She stopped for a second, biting her lip as she looked down at the body anxiously awaiting her touch. Emily caught the hesitation, and sat up quickly, unspoken questions in her eyes. “We don’t have to do this Jayje, seriously. There is no pressure on my end, I hope you know that.”

JJ’s eyes widened, and she rolled her eyes, smiling at the woman before her. She couldn’t fault Emily’s insecurity. She knew that wounds ran deep, and it would take more than one night of spoken promises and commitment to begin to change that. 

JJ crawled up the bed, laying her head down by the headboard, reaching out to coax Emily closer. When she grabbed a thigh and pulled, the pieces slowly clicked into place, and she grinned as she moved to straddle the blonde. 

“I want to see you.” JJ whispered as she scooted down the bed, arms wrapped around toned thighs and palms spread on Emily’s ass, kneading into the muscles she found there. 

Emily’s knees almost gave out at the words, her arms shooting out to grab onto the top of the headboard in front of her. JJ noticed, her grasp becoming firmer as she moved her mouth to where she knew it was wanted most. 

Slipping her tongue out, she moved at a tortuous pace through the folds it found. Traveling their entire length a few times before grasping at the bundle of nerves with her teeth, biting down gently. It was enough to make Emily’s hips jerk, pushing hard down into JJ’s mouth, a soft moan leaving her lips. Emily looked down at JJ, wanting to see what was happening, and their eyes met as JJ’s tongue slipped out, the tip moving softly to tease the brunette. 

JJ’s eyes locked onto Emily’s, a playful gleam in them and she moved her mouth down a little lower. Emily gasped when JJ’s tongues thrust up into her, not able to stop the way her body moved, pressing JJ down harder than before. Hoping that she wasn’t hurting the blonde, she tried to catch blue eyes with her own, but JJ’s eyes had slipped closed as she swallowed some of Emily’s arousal.

She felt JJ stroke the skin of her thighs with her thumbs, a physical affirmation that she was fine with Emily’s movement. Of course she knew, Emily thought to herself, feeling elated that the blonde understood her as well in bed and in their daily lives. Taking it as permission, Emily began to slowly rock herself down onto JJ’s mouth, relishing in the way the blonde’s tongue was moving in and out of her. 

JJ reached up with one hand, palm against the side of Emily’s breast, fingers reaching out to play with the oversensitive nipple it found. Her other hand moved forward from the swell of Emily’s hip to find a spot currently being neglected.

When the blonde’s fingers made contact with the nerves it found, Emily was overwhelmed by the triad of sensations she was feeling. JJ’s hands were relentless in both places, and coupled with her tongues setting a quick rhythm, Emily was slowly losing control. 

Desperate to feel more connected to the blonde, Emily removed her hands from where they had been gripping tightly to the headboard. She moved her right hand to cover JJ’s where it was kneading at her chest, tangling their fingers together. Slanting her body back slightly, careful not to put too much pressure on JJ’s face, her other hand found the skin between JJ’s legs. Smiling when she found it slick again, Emily’s fingers began their own assault. 

JJ shifted her hips at the contact, pulling her mouth away for a split second, letting out a rush of breath at the surprise. The warm air only served to heighten Emily’s arousal more, and the brunette knew she needed to focus if she wanted JJ to fall over the edge with her. 

Sliding two slender fingers into the blonde, she was pleased when the body beneath her rocked up. She matched the rhythm of JJ’s tongue with her fingers, moving in and out quickly. She let her fingertips scrape up and down tight walls with every pass, paying special attention to which spots made JJ squirm the most. 

Breaths got more rapid, skin becoming flushed and damp thanks to the friction between them, Emily feeling JJ’s tongue start to falter in the rhythm they had set with each other. Thankful that she wouldn’t have to hold onto her self-control much longer, she pushed another finger inside JJ. 

JJ twisted Emily’s nipple in retaliation, not wanting to let the brunette win this battle. Her fingers pressed down on nerves in a way that made Emily clench her thighs tightly on either side of JJ’s head, and the blonde smiled and she saw the last bit of resolve leaving Emily.  _ Thank god, _ she thought to herself, desperate for her own release thanks to Emily’s wandering hands. 

With one final thrust of her tongues, JJ felt Emily’s body still for a second before dissolving into the most captivating sight the younger woman had ever seen. The picture of pleasure of the woman above her, please  _ she  _ had provided, was enough to send JJ over the edge again, clenching tightly around the fingers Emily was still moving inside of her. 

She kissed Emily gently on the inside of both thighs after they had both calmed down, and moved her arms down into the mattress to push herself up the bed. The movement caused Emily’s fingers to slip out easily, and soon JJ felt both of Emily’s hands slowly tracing up her body, finding a home on her face before the brunette leaned down to kiss her, hoping to convey the love that was overflowing inside of her.

She was sure if anyone saw her right now they would be able to see some kind of physical manifestation of the overwhelming peace she felt at this moment, the feelings too powerful to be kept inside someone’s mind.

Emily knew she would never have the words to adequately express to the blonde what she was feeling. The doubts inside of her were still there, but she had a sneaking feeling that JJ might be the answer to questions she never knew she had, the comfort for hurt that always lingered somewhere just below the surface. 

JJ seemed to understand, moving one hand to stroke softly down Emily’s spine, the other spreading out into her hair, anchoring the brunette to her. 

The kiss was sweet. Gentle, and kind. Full of promises that they would spend the rest of their lives proving to each other. 

After what could have been hours, or minutes, or days, they broke apart, moving to lay facing each other, staring at each other with a tinge of disbelief at what had occurred that night. 

Emily pulled the comforter over both of them before reaching out to grab JJ’s hand. In a reversal of the blonde’s move earlier in the night, Emily took the hand she was holding and rolled over, scooting herself back into the perfect curves behind her. 

JJ pressed a soft kiss to Emily’s shoulder before pulling firmly back against the woman in front of her, wanting there to be no space between them.

They lay awake for a while longer, murmurs of love and affirmation passing between the two. 

They both knew the months ahead would be difficult. Hard conversations and arguments would be had, the danger of the world they lived in would chase them.

But right here, in the small world they had created in their hotel room, they knew that together they would be okay. More than okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo that's it for now for this one-shot that turned into a monster heheh
> 
> LOVE YOU


End file.
